Our daughter took our grandson to his friend's
birthday party this weekend and was struck by the atypical conversation
among the adults. They were discussing personality types and feelings--not
your normal conversation at a party for 5 year olds or 55 year olds, for
that matter. In our society
it is rare for a group of people who don't know each other well to feel
safe enough to have a discussion about feelings.
Most people go to great lengths to hide or deny their
feelings about their lives, their work, their relationships and most
things that matter to them.
Psychiatrist Dr. David Viscott in his tape series
"Emotional Resilience" says, "If we were to live honestly,
our lives would heal themselves."
He explains how he helps people heal by helping them find ways to
acknowledge their true feelings about past, current or future events that
In our relationship, when we lose our connection, it
is usually because we have not taken the time to become aware of what we
are feeling and then communicate those feelings to each other.
We get lost in the day to day "busyness" of life and
don't take the time to "tune into" ourselves and each other.
It's easy to deny your feelings, bury them, and
pretend they aren't there. We
all see it everyday with people we work with and our friends.
They are mystified as to why their relationships lack passion and
aren't working when the reality is--these people aren't willing to look at
the truth of their situations.
Barbara DeAngelis says that if you are repressing,
you're repressing. In other
words, it's impossible to repress your feelings in one area of your life
and be passionate and open in other areas.
If you find that you have become distant and
withdrawn--emotionally or physically from someone you lovewe suggest
that you do as we try to do. At
the next possible moment that you realize the separation and disconnection
with this person, we suggest that you talk about how you are feeling and
what's going on in your relationship and your life.
Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, authors of the book
"Conscious Loving," made the commitment to each other to tell
each other their feelings within10 seconds of recognizing them.
How very powerful this could be if all of us felt we could make
this commitment in our relationships.
Imagine how much closer we could feel to the people in our lives if
we could make this kind of commitment.
Susie and Otto Collins
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